Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
