She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
