just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
