dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize