Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
