fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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