i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize