That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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