She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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