Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
