Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
