R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
