Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
