You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
