If i come over, it means nothing
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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