how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
