your parents love me but you hate me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
