Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
