I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
