"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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