Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you made out with another girl for some wings
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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