I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
