I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
