I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
