tell your sister to shave her snatch
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
