I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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