Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
