When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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