Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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