well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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