i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I FOUND THE LEGS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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