my vag is so smooth its legendary
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Enjoy the penises
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
