I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Mom said you looked used
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
