Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A bitchslap is in order.
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