Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize