Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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