you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
