So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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