Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
