I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
