I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
