I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
