I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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