i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize