i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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