She's JV to your varsity
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
