my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
