i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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