I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
