He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
