I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
