It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
