after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
