TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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