So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize