Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
