Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize