if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
