You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
