thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Less talking, more tequila
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize