Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
