just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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