So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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