oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
