you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
