4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
