Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
