you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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