i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
