'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
