yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
