I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
