In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
