Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
