tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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