where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
